A Tutorial by Thilo Savage
In a democratic society, debate is extremely important. Sadly, most people don't know how to make valid arguments and defend them properly. They initiate debates and fumble around with words and vague statements, all backed up by a poorly constructed thesis. Here is a brief tutorial on arguing logically, making good points, and defending your arguments.
Chapter 1 | Terminology
A. Debate - a formal discussion involving one or more people who develop arguments and logically defend their points to prove their position true.
Example:
"Ween gives the best live performance ever."
"No they don't."
"Yeah they do, stupid idiot."
B. Hypothesis - stance on a topic which the debate focuses around.
Example: "America's government blows ass."
C. Thesis - logical comparative clause that supports the hypothesis.
Example: "God exists because it says so in the bible, you moron. You're going to hell."
D. Argument - something you say to piss your opponent off and move the topic away from the hypothesis.
Example: "You're stupid and nobody likes you."
E. Logic - progressive statement that follows valid reasoning.
Example: "Some people who wear purple are stupid. You're wearing purple, therefore you are stupid."
F. Argumint - a piece of candy that freshens your breath before a debate.
Example:
G. Premise - A premise is a word you use when you've already said "thesis" too many times.
Example: "You're only pro-choice because you take pleasure in killing babies."
H. Contention - A statement that builds tension.
Example: "Yeah, I called you stupid. What are you going to do about it?"
Chapter 1 | Initiation
A. Common themes to debate:
1. politics
2. abortion
3. quality of marijuana
4. opponent's sexual preference
5. opponent's mother
B. Common places to debate:
1. bar
2. restaurant
3. debate club
4. internet forum
3. Times to not debate
a. sexual intercourse
b. held at gunpoint
d. when someone bigger disagrees
Chapter 2 | Debating Fundamentals
A. Affirmative argument
- The offensive position against an opponent.
1. argumentum ad hominem - Bring the opponent down. Use physical blemishes, odors, speech impediments, matriarchal figure, and any weakness you can disclose about them.
Example: "You only believe in pro-choice because you get pregnant every weekend, slutbag."
2. Cussing - Derogatory terms are very important and often decide the outcome of the debate.
Example: "Shut the fuck up, shitface."
Note: Make sure to use proper word placement: "Hey homo, I fucked your mother." is a very strong and stable argument. "Hey Mother, I fucked a homo." is not.
3. Evidence - A good debater will be able to back up anything he says with solid evidence.
Example: "You're a prick because I said so."
Note: Avoid citing sources. If you need to steal someone else's work to back up what you say, you're probably not very intelligent and shouldn't be debating in the first place.
4. Statistics - Use proven statistics to back up your arguments logically.
Example: "100% of people who are me don't like you. Therefore nobody likes you."
5. Slang - Use ambiguous terms and subjective rational to confuse your opponent.
Example: "Ya right, dirt squad, that shit's weak sauce."
B. Defending yourself.
When an opponent takes the offensive and attacks your argument, be able to counter his statement efficiently with powerful reasoning.
1. Rebuttal - Restate what you just said louder and more threateningly.
Example:
"Your mom is a bitch."
"No, YOUR mom is a bitch."
"Not as bitchy as your mom."
2. ad apathium - Prove that the opponent's statement meant nothing to you.
Example: "Whatever, dude..." Then roll your eyes.
3. post hoc ergo propter hoc - Basic cause-effect retort.
Example: "You are a stupid idiot, therefore I have no reason to argue with you so go to hell, you dumb piece of uneducated white trash."
Often times your opponent will crystallize you in a position where you have nothing to say. Either he's made you backtrack and contradict yourself or brought to light a perspective that you hadn't thought of. When this happens, there are a few ways to defend your argument properly:
1. Tai-jitsu
2. Tai-kwan-do
- If it's an online debate:
1. DoS Attack
2. w32 Nuke
3. Trojan/Netbus
4. PHP exploit (for forums)
Chapter 3 // Debating Process
A. The cross-examine
When you cross examine, you are conversing back and forth between one or more people to see who is loudest and more insulting to the individual or his/her stereotype.
B. The Argument.
Here is a (hypothetical) structured debate between me and Molly.
Thilo: "Hey Molly, Pink Floyd rules."
Molly: "No he doesn't."
Thilo: "It's a "them," idiot. And you're just saying that because you're ugly."
Molly: "No I'm not."
Thilo: "Yeah you are because you are fat and your face looks like it just gave birth to a walrus."
Molly: "At least I don't LOOK like a walrus."
Thilo: "Shut the fuck up, you're stupid."
Molly: "I know you are."
Bill: "Hey, would you guys shut up? I'm trying to watch the porno."
Thilo: (grabs Bill's glasses, breaks the lenses with his teeth and holds a shard to Bill's throat)
Bill: "What the fuck, dude?"
Thilo: "Who's fat?"
Bill: "Me! Not you! Not you!"
Thilo: "That's right bitch! What about your mom?"
Bill: "She's fat too! Please let go!"
See how elegantly I reasoned with Bill and lead him to contradict his original argument? That's called skill.
C. Make-Up Sex
This is probably the best part about debating with a female. When it's all said and done, she'll feel like shit for the things she said to you. After she begs for forgiveness, mention that there is one way you'll forgive her.
Use these tips and you will be debating like a pro, logically defending yourself, and backing up everything you say with valid and reasonable arguments.
In a democratic society, debate is extremely important. Sadly, most people don't know how to make valid arguments and defend them properly. They initiate debates and fumble around with words and vague statements, all backed up by a poorly constructed thesis. Here is a brief tutorial on arguing logically, making good points, and defending your arguments.
Chapter 1 | Terminology
A. Debate - a formal discussion involving one or more people who develop arguments and logically defend their points to prove their position true.
Example:
"Ween gives the best live performance ever."
"No they don't."
"Yeah they do, stupid idiot."
B. Hypothesis - stance on a topic which the debate focuses around.
Example: "America's government blows ass."
C. Thesis - logical comparative clause that supports the hypothesis.
Example: "God exists because it says so in the bible, you moron. You're going to hell."
D. Argument - something you say to piss your opponent off and move the topic away from the hypothesis.
Example: "You're stupid and nobody likes you."
E. Logic - progressive statement that follows valid reasoning.
Example: "Some people who wear purple are stupid. You're wearing purple, therefore you are stupid."
F. Argumint - a piece of candy that freshens your breath before a debate.
Example:
G. Premise - A premise is a word you use when you've already said "thesis" too many times.
Example: "You're only pro-choice because you take pleasure in killing babies."
H. Contention - A statement that builds tension.
Example: "Yeah, I called you stupid. What are you going to do about it?"
Chapter 1 | Initiation
A. Common themes to debate:
1. politics
2. abortion
3. quality of marijuana
4. opponent's sexual preference
5. opponent's mother
B. Common places to debate:
1. bar
2. restaurant
3. debate club
4. internet forum
3. Times to not debate
a. sexual intercourse
b. held at gunpoint
d. when someone bigger disagrees
Chapter 2 | Debating Fundamentals
A. Affirmative argument
- The offensive position against an opponent.
1. argumentum ad hominem - Bring the opponent down. Use physical blemishes, odors, speech impediments, matriarchal figure, and any weakness you can disclose about them.
Example: "You only believe in pro-choice because you get pregnant every weekend, slutbag."
2. Cussing - Derogatory terms are very important and often decide the outcome of the debate.
Example: "Shut the fuck up, shitface."
Note: Make sure to use proper word placement: "Hey homo, I fucked your mother." is a very strong and stable argument. "Hey Mother, I fucked a homo." is not.
3. Evidence - A good debater will be able to back up anything he says with solid evidence.
Example: "You're a prick because I said so."
Note: Avoid citing sources. If you need to steal someone else's work to back up what you say, you're probably not very intelligent and shouldn't be debating in the first place.
4. Statistics - Use proven statistics to back up your arguments logically.
Example: "100% of people who are me don't like you. Therefore nobody likes you."
5. Slang - Use ambiguous terms and subjective rational to confuse your opponent.
Example: "Ya right, dirt squad, that shit's weak sauce."
B. Defending yourself.
When an opponent takes the offensive and attacks your argument, be able to counter his statement efficiently with powerful reasoning.
1. Rebuttal - Restate what you just said louder and more threateningly.
Example:
"Your mom is a bitch."
"No, YOUR mom is a bitch."
"Not as bitchy as your mom."
2. ad apathium - Prove that the opponent's statement meant nothing to you.
Example: "Whatever, dude..." Then roll your eyes.
3. post hoc ergo propter hoc - Basic cause-effect retort.
Example: "You are a stupid idiot, therefore I have no reason to argue with you so go to hell, you dumb piece of uneducated white trash."
Often times your opponent will crystallize you in a position where you have nothing to say. Either he's made you backtrack and contradict yourself or brought to light a perspective that you hadn't thought of. When this happens, there are a few ways to defend your argument properly:
1. Tai-jitsu
2. Tai-kwan-do
- If it's an online debate:
1. DoS Attack
2. w32 Nuke
3. Trojan/Netbus
4. PHP exploit (for forums)
Chapter 3 // Debating Process
A. The cross-examine
When you cross examine, you are conversing back and forth between one or more people to see who is loudest and more insulting to the individual or his/her stereotype.
B. The Argument.
Here is a (hypothetical) structured debate between me and Molly.
Thilo: "Hey Molly, Pink Floyd rules."
Molly: "No he doesn't."
Thilo: "It's a "them," idiot. And you're just saying that because you're ugly."
Molly: "No I'm not."
Thilo: "Yeah you are because you are fat and your face looks like it just gave birth to a walrus."
Molly: "At least I don't LOOK like a walrus."
Thilo: "Shut the fuck up, you're stupid."
Molly: "I know you are."
Bill: "Hey, would you guys shut up? I'm trying to watch the porno."
Thilo: (grabs Bill's glasses, breaks the lenses with his teeth and holds a shard to Bill's throat)
Bill: "What the fuck, dude?"
Thilo: "Who's fat?"
Bill: "Me! Not you! Not you!"
Thilo: "That's right bitch! What about your mom?"
Bill: "She's fat too! Please let go!"
See how elegantly I reasoned with Bill and lead him to contradict his original argument? That's called skill.
C. Make-Up Sex
This is probably the best part about debating with a female. When it's all said and done, she'll feel like shit for the things she said to you. After she begs for forgiveness, mention that there is one way you'll forgive her.
Use these tips and you will be debating like a pro, logically defending yourself, and backing up everything you say with valid and reasonable arguments.
